Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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