Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
I said "one day" and that day is not today
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
