just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
