i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
