Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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