Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
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