He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
