weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
