I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
