After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
