I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
