Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
