I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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