can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
