I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
