I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
