He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
