I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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