Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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