Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Green mimosas i think yes
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
