well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize