i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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