I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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