Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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