On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
