So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
