my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Randomize
