It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
