dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Randomize
