im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
