don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
