Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
