Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Randomize
