Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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