theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
