Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
