I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
