Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
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