I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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