I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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