well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
