Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
