what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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