I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
