There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
