My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
