I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Randomize
