her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
