idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
