Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
