handjob tips. give me some.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
i came on her dog
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
