Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
