Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
