Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
